I spent most of my twenties looking for love and connection. I went through various relationships, always having the same problem:
I felt guilty for being me. I felt guilty for the thoughts that I was having about other guys (or girls) and sometimes also about the actions I was taking. More than once I ended relationships because I thought that I had ruined it anyway and that if they knew who I really was they wouldn't want me anymore.
At the same time I also did not understand why you have to break up with your partner if they like, flirt or even sleep with someone else.
With every new relationship my insecurity and self-doubt became worse, because now it wasn't only about the things I had done in that relationship but I started thinking that I as a person was somehow bad and unloveable and that if anyone really knew me they would probable decide not to be with me.
Things changed when I met my husband...
how i found connection
When I got engaged I made a brave decision. Because I didn't want to get married based on a lie, I decided to tell my husband everything about me. So I started telling him all the "ugly" truths about me, one after the other. I told him all the things I had done and all the thoughts that I was having.
And to my surprise he did not leave. With every little piece of information that I shared I felt our bond getting stronger. Because I deeply felt loved and accepted for who I am.
This is how I learned about connection.
You can't find fulfillment in a relationship by simply setting up rules and expecting them to be respected. True fulfillment comes from loving unconditionally and feeling accepted just as you are. It comes from the feeling of real human connection.